PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
