Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
