That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
