Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
