I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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