just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
