from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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