My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
