Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
