He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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