I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
