my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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