Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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