I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
