I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
