there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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