Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
