How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
