I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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