Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
