He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
