I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
