he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
