she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
