Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
