just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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