after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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