I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
