the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
