tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
