Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
