So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
