is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
