As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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