"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
