I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
