Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
