is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
