Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
