i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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