Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
