So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
