yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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