He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
