I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
