last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
