I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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