yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
