Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
