hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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