Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
