I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
